Dead to Me

One can think of loyalty as being steadfast in support of another. At least for me, the other side of that is being steadfast in opposition of another. I doubt many people do not consider themselves loyal, however I think it fair to say that I value loyalty more than the average bloke. It took me four decades to realize how important loyalty is to me, probably because of its marked absence from the first quarter century of my life.

Unfortunately, loyalty can be misplaced; I certainly fell into this trap. In retrospect it seems embarrassing to me that I was so loyal to some who showed me no loyalty at all. Part of that was because it took decades for me to recognize the asymmetry. But a large part was because I had been kept ignorant of salient information. I understand that many of those involved think they were doing the right thing. Yet I still struggle to not feel betrayed because, for me, part of loyalty is telling someone what they need to know.

Once I uncovered more of the truth about the situation, my steadfast support flipped to steadfast opposition. Whilst I can have compassion in general for victims who become victimizers, I have none in specific for any of the victimizers to whom I was once loyal. I explicitly reject any philosophy that dictates that one pretends nothing happened “to rise above it”. That is more claptrap promulgated by the victimizers to evade responsibility for their actions. Without consequences for our actions, there can be no value in our actions.

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