Long Time, No Post

Obviously, my posting frequency has taking a precipitous plunge. (You are not alone, Faithful Reader: so has my journaling frequency.) About two years ago the wheels starting coming off the apple cart for my family of origin. Last summer, as part of that unraveling, I discovered some truly heinous things. That knowledge, and the reinterpretation of my childhood in light of it, rattled me quite thoroughly and upended my life. Quite a bit remains the same, but quite a bit also changed. Perhaps part of it is that, in light of all the other, snarky movie reviews seem less important.

But that is not entirely it. As you obviously know, I tend to write with an acrolect in these. Beyond my penchant for archaic words and turns of phrase, there is a certain distance I adopt for my writing here. I am quite aware that I do not struggle with being too personal in my writing. I have to consciously remind myself that, even when I feel I am broadcasting my emotions at eleven, most people have not the slightest clue about my internal state.

Probably due to being (however unwittingly) a paladin I can be a bit, as someone once put it so eloquently, militantly defensive. My instinct is to hunker down. (Apparently I took Sacred Circle at level 2.) But a certain part of this can definitely be traced to my family of origin. My birth mother spent years explicitly trying to train me to show no emotion. (Presumably to better conceal the dysfunction.) Apparently she succeeded far better than I knew.

So I find it unsurprising that I am reticent to write too much about all that has happened and all that I have discovered. Yet I am unsure whether that is the best route. I will try to write more and we shall see how open I can and should be.

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6 Responses

  1. Wasn’t it you who once raised an eyebrow and asked me, “You do know you’re allowed to have emotions, right?” So just make sure you are having them and dealing with them, even if they don’t make it onto your blog. šŸ˜‰

    Writing publicly about yourself (not to mention family) can be touchy at best, and finding the right line to draw is a very inexact science. Whether or not you choose to share your experiences, I will be wishing you and your family well.

    • I don’t remember saying that. But, since it sounds wise, I’m going to go ahead and take credit for it. šŸ™‚

      Having mastered the three basic emotions of the American male (anger, lust, and joy) I’m definitely working on expanding my repertoire. Oh, and I’m trying to avoid channeling Jack Nicholson’s Col. Jessup. But the Internet is forever and it is a public forum. So, even though I’m less motivated to protect the perpetrators, I’m still unsure of where that line is.

  2. Would an anonymous blog serve the purpose of writing/processing/experiencing? I’ve often thought about doing something like that.

    • I can see the value of anonymity. But I guess for me the whole purpose of a public blog is to say something to others, to communicate one’s thoughts.

  3. The blog is your playground, so you should write at whatever level and frequency that satisfies YOU.

    I find journaling, whether public or private, to be therapeutic and recreational. Blogging shouldn’t be a chore or a problem. Just make sure you’re having fun or getting some other benefit out of the activity.

    • Certainly there was a bit of silliness to a lot of my earlier posts. But I think now this forum has become more of a place for me to say something. (For silliness, check my tweets.) And, right now in my life, the topics about which I want to say something are pretty heavy and impinge on the personal. Whilst it might not be as entertaining as deconstructing Michael Bay’s oeuvre, it’s at the forefront of my mind.

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